Monday, 7 April 2014

The first IVF

After the first IVF in 2008, I was counting the days, convinced that it was a done deal. I had pictured my self pregnant. I had seen myself pregnant. I had seen myself cradling the baby. I ordered a dozen books about pregnancy from Amazon and I was reading every last bit of it. At this time, I was not working because my husband was convinced that I needed to just be at home and not stress myself, and even though I very clearly disagreed, I obliged him, after all, I'll have the kids soon and then go back to work.
All I could see in my mind's eye was a pregnant me, glowing, not bothered by morning sickness, just blissfully happy and smiling at everyone. It was the only thing I wanted to see, and so it was the only thing I allowed myself to see. I was not prepared to even consider that anything could go wrong. After all, the doctors had said that there was a 50/50 percent chance, but, hey...! I was young, healthy and I just had to be in the 50 percent who got their "twins". Yes, I wanted twins, 2 for the price of one. I even had their names decided. Those two weeks were full of excitement for me and all I could think of was the bright future ahead with my children.
I even bought a few maternity wears as well as some clothes for the babies and the only reason why I didn't start buying baby furnitures was because my husband insisted that we wait.
8 days later and with all the hormonal changes and pains, I started bleeding and when I got to the clinic, I was told that there were no babies.

My world stopped. I just stared blankly at the doctor, refusing to take it in...

No comments:

Post a Comment